Voice Recognition Humor
You Must Be Human to Laugh!!
This page on voice recognition humor is, of course, my favorite. These have all been seen by me and a friend of mine who helped me collect them. Enjoy!
P.S. The first sentence is what the computer thought the doctor said, and the second sentence is what the doctor actually said. And I call the computer "Hal", adding a little voice recognition humor from a human.
Hal: A 62-year-old male with chronic renal failure on hemodialysis, with no clue
Human: A 62-year-old male with chronic renal failure on hemodialysis with occluded (fistula)
Hal: The patient is a little management female
Human: The patient is a well-developed, well-nourished female
Hal: Rare drinker naked
Human: Rare drink occasionally
Hal: History of the Alabama nurse
Human: History of early Alzheimer's
Hal: in the region of the superior calcaneus and potatoes
Human: in the region of the superior calcaneus and talus
Hal: infected tractor
Human: executive director
Hal: He had a flu shot this past year and a hat.
Human: He had a flu shot this past year and he had Pneumovax.
Hal: The patient was admitted to the antibiotics as you a letter to Hany Vicodin.
Human: The patient was allergic to um, um, um Vicodin.
Hal: Hispanic Jewish fatigue
Human: dyspnea on exertion
Hal: She did not take inferior poles
Human: The patient should get a 2nd pair of hose
Hal: lab man slipped
Human: lab and ancillary
Hal: No evidence of delusions are noted
Human: No evidence of erosions are noted
Hal: Thanks this is an alert subparagraph
Human: a tiny cyst within the liver, paragraph
Hal: She has children and confusion.
Human: She has children and grandchildren.
Now, for those of you who are unsure what voice recognition is (much less voice recognition humor), it is what many hospitals and medical offices are using to try to save costs, since they pay the transcriptionist less to "edit" (read "re-type") these into intelligible medical reports. Here are some more for you.
Hal: Discharge plan is fall from bed to follow up with private physician.
Human: Patient is to follow up with private physician.
Hal: could not stand the patient
Human: obtained from the patient
Hal: He does report anxiety packing.
Human: She does report that her anxiety has been acting up.
Hal: I just called him with 1 ovary.
Human: I called him with the phone number he left me.
Hal: She tripped on issue vault looking for her pain route to the bathroom.
Human: She tripped on a shoe while looking for her cane en route to the bathroom.
Hal: She was airlifted to the bathroom.
Human: She was able to scoot to the bathroom
Hal: She has been chasing kidneys.
Human: She has been chasing kids.
Hal: His lungs were tight, and I doubt that he is breathing.
Human: His lungs were tight, and I felt of his breathing.
Hal: Worthless heart rhythm.
Human: Regular systolic heart rhythm.
Hal: The patient is a 7-year-old male who was feeding the family doctor the morning of the injury.
Human: The patient is a 7-year-old male who was feeding the family dog the morning of the injury.
Hal: Diagnosis: Duck stones.
Human: Diagnosis: Duct stones.
Hal: Allergies: Wal-Mart.
Human: Allergies: Walnuts.
Hal: There is a partial coleslaw attack time right arm.
Human: There are a bunch of holes left from the cacti, right arm.
Hal: The patient received 3 beers in IV fluid.
Human: The patient received 3 liters of IV fluid.
Hal: I do not appear to be stable.
Human: Lines and tubes appear to be stable.
Hal: If you have any questions, please do not think that much.
Human: If you have any questions, please let me know.
That's all the voice recognition humor for now, folks! If I find any more good ones, I'll add them in.
Go Voice Recognition Humor Page Two for more fun!
Now that you've taken a break from voice recognition humor, back to finding a job!!
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